Christian Dior’s Eau Noire (2004)

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Christian Dior’s Eau Noire (2004) 250ml

Once upon a time there was a fragrance collector named Veektor. His collection had become so big that there is not enough dust to cover every single bottle. He decided to slow down collecting and be more selective. But the world is full of temptations, particularly if you live in the global village called Facebook. One day, his friend Fragrance Care Bear posted his latest acquisition called Dior’s Eau Noire in a fragrance group. It’s freaking amazing, according to Care Bear. Veektor was aware of that perfume – it’s been discontinued, and the perfume color is of emerald green, like the stillness of the lake in an enchanted dark forest. He had never smelled Eau Noire before, but according to the fine people of the Internet, Eau Noire is like true love, those who have never experienced it will think it’s overrated, but those who have tried Eau Noire, oh my, it’s heaven with free maple syrup pancakes.

Fragrance Care Bear offered his caring paws, and showed Veektor how to acquire it. “Do not tell anyone about this. There’s a special fairy who aims to stop the world’s suffering – she helps others shop for a living. Contact her, and she will show you the way.” Veektor found the fairy as directed, and was shown the way through her friend, Mr. PayPal. Through more magic, the bottle of Eau Dior arrived at Veektor’s front door in two weeks.

Veektor sprayed some Eau Noire on, expecting magic to shower upon thee, and to his surprise and dismay, “Damn, it’s just a lavender scented perfume. Eau Noire, Oh No!” Veektor shook the bottle violently.

“My mom told me I am good, but not special, and I don’t need to go to the the special school in Paris,” says Eau Noire.

“That also explains why you are discontinued to give way for other Dior new releases.”

“But a lot of people on the Internet told me I am soooo good!”

Veektor is now stuck with a huge 250ml of Oh No. Because he has so much, he has decided to spray some every night before he goes to bed.

Then one night, something magical happened…

Veektor fell asleep really fast.

That’s because lavender helps people fall asleep more easily. Eau Noire smells very invigorating at first (lavender and licorice), then slowly settles into something very smooth and pleasant, mildly sweet, aromatic and herbal (thyme, vanilla, cedar, violet). In fact, when people say it smells like herbal syrup on pancakes they are not wrong at all, but just a bit exaggerated.

While there’s nothing wrong to feature lavender as the star of the perfume, my subconscious tells me such perfume should not be too over-priced, for lavender to me is an utilitarian scent.

Now my bottle of Eau Noire sits on my bedside table, whenever I feel I need to destress, I put some on.

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Adidas’ Originals by Jeremy Scott (2015)

Adidas Originals by Jeremy Scott © Victor Wong
Adidas Originals by Jeremy Scott © Victor Wong

Recently I was reminded by a friend that I liked “weird shit”. We were sniffing new perfumes at a department store and I showed him some of the newer perfumes that I liked, and he didn’t like any of them. “Nah, this smelled like an old man”, he said. His girlfriend said, “I bet there’s Indian oil in this perfume. Go check out Fragrantica.” I didn’t, because I was sure that no company would ever put “Indian oil” in their notes breakdown. Frankly, all I had shown them was a chypre perfume.

Actually that made me think… Do I prefer “weird shit” to “good stuff”? I only know the type of perfumes that my friend likes are designer and mainstream niche, and in my opinion, his “fragrance palate” is not very broad. (Hmm… Did I sound like a pompous asshole? In retrospect, my palate wasn’t very broad either, but I didn’t brush off challenging scents too easily.) I told him I liked “weird shit” last time we met because I was a bit tired and didn’t want to elaborate. (This also reminded me of my other friend Fifty-Fifty who absolutely hates Mac computers, and when he asked me why I loved Mac, I just told him it’s a “fashion statement”. He nodded his head in glee while spending a full day cursing and removing Windows Vista.)

In fact, the real reason why we met at the department store was that he wanted to sell me his “Adidas Originals by Jeremy Scott” perfume. He bought it on an impulse, and he regretted it. I had never smelled it before we met, and really, no one needed to because, come on, look at that bottle – it’s a collector’s item, the perfume is just icing in the shoe.

He told me that he didn’t like the smell, which was expected, not because he liked only a small subset of “normal” masculine perfumes, but I expected it to smell subpar. But to my surprise, it smelled good – pepper, rose and incense, something you don’t find in a regular pair of sneakers or any regular $15 Adidas sports scents. While It doesn’t smell rich, resinous or oudy, it smells modern, sweet and fresh, and definitely “niche”. (It reminds me of Le Labo Baie Rose 26, too.) However, I can see soccer jocks finding this perfume too strange to match their masculine persona and their armpits not accepting a rose scented perfume.

While we were strolling through the department store, he mentioned that he liked Maurice Roucel’s work. Later I found out that Adidas perfume was co-designed by Maurice Roucel. Oh, the irony.

Etat Libre D’Orange’s Dangerous Complicity (2012)

Etat Libre D'Orange's Dangerous Complicity © Victor Wong
Etat Libre D’Orange’s Dangerous Complicity © Victor Wong

“Coco, What is your aspiration in life?”, asked the teacher.

“I want to be admired forever. I want to be elegant, modern and sophisticated.”

“Very good, very good. What about you, Tresor?”

“Hmm, I don’t know, I just want to be, like, happy. I want romance and sweet love. My mom has told me I have assets. I just want to walk into a room and everyone notices me.”

“Ok… great, but you didn’t have to speak so loud. Now what about the one sitting in the corner? What’s your name?”

The student tilted her head, and started speaking slowly and seductively with a deep feminine voice. “I want strangers to have dangerous affairs with me. I want to liberate them with forbidden love. I am desire.”

Suddenly there was a short moment of silence. Shalimar contemptibly whispered, “Yeah, you go, girl.”

There’s a roaring laughter in the classroom. Aventus and Tom Ford stood up and shouted, “Fuck yeah!! Let’s do it right here!”

The teacher said, “Well, you have to work much harder, particularly in Longevity and Sillage class.”

The student stood up and pushed the chair in. “You don’t understand me, and I don’t need you to understand me. I don’t need this class. Remember me, my name is Dangerous Complicity, and I am proud to be a skin scent.”

As she walked out of the room, a very light trail of scent reminiscent of a mixture of some nice but indistinct powdery and white floral perfumes followed her.

Notes include: Cognac, Ginger, Coconut, Jasmine, Soft Leather, Sandalwood.